


The things that go unsaid.

by Plucky_Brit



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hiding Emotions, Pain, Team, jemma needs to stop hiding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-23
Updated: 2016-02-23
Packaged: 2018-05-22 19:53:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6092169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Plucky_Brit/pseuds/Plucky_Brit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After they return to the base from England, Jemma refuses to acknowledge the events that occurred, unwilling to face her demons. As always, actions have consequences. Will Fitz be able to make things right in time?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The things that go unsaid.

**Author's Note:**

> Potential trigger warning... mentions of Ward's torture. Also I have zero knowledge of medical things so apologies for any inaccuracies.

‘Fitz, please just let me take a look.’ She pleaded with him, holding tightly onto his arm as he tried to pull away. 

Fitz shook his head obstinately. ‘It’s a scratch Jemma, don’t start fussing.’ He said with a growl.

Jemma flinched without meaning to at his tone, regretting it instantly as his face clouded over with distress.

‘Jemma, I’m sorry… I didn’t mean…” he began, but Jemma interrupted him quickly.

‘No, Fitz, it’s fine. I’ll look at it later.’ She muttered, letting go of him and turning away so he couldn’t see the unwelcome tears that were filling her eyes. She blindly grabbed at some documents lying on the lab’s counter, busying herself with them until she heard his footsteps fade away. Only then did she let out the shuddering sob that had been pressing against her chest. 

God, she thought to herself. Why couldn’t things be simple? All she had to do was talk to him, tell him it was okay. Yes, she was devastated that Will was gone, but if it had been Fitz who hadn’t come back… she shuddered just thinking about it. They had landed back at the base just under an hour ago, and things had been totally frantic ever since. She had finally intervened and grabbed Fitz away, unable to look at the trickle of blood that ran down his face any longer, unable to stand not knowing if he was putting up a good front. She had dragged him to the lab and cleaned up the blood, but he had refused to look at her the whole time, even as she clutched at him, convincing herself that he really was here. And then, when she tried to stich him up he had pulled away from her touch, spoken to her with such contempt. She didn’t realise that words could be so painful. 

‘Jemma?’

Jemma spun around, gasping slightly as a ripple of pain twisted through her gut. Her adrenaline must be wearing off finally, she thought. Bobbi was standing behind her, her expression soft.

‘Jemma, has anyone taken a look at you?’ she asked, her voice thick with concern.

Jemma flinched at the emotion in her voice. ‘Hi Bobbi. Um, yes I’m okay. Honestly, just looking forward to getting some sleep.’ She gabbled, wincing at how pathetic her voice sounded. Bobbi didn’t look convinced.

‘Okay. Well, I’m around if you want to talk about it.’ Bobbi said, squeezing her shoulder gently. Jemma tensed at the contact and Bobbi quickly removed her hand. ‘It’s pretty late. Coulson’s putting off the debrief till tomorrow, waiting for everyone to calm down a bit.’

Jemma nodded slowly, ignoring the way her head was pounding as she moved. ‘Right. Thanks for letting me know.’  
Jemma made her way to her room, walking slowly along the poorly lit corridor as she became more and more aware of the ache in her chest and the throbbing of her head. A good night’s sleep, that’ll work wonders. She told herself firmly, pushing her thoughts away from the pain. Thinking about it meant thinking about why it was there, and that was something she was certainly not ready to face right now. 

She locked the door behind her when she entered her room, before quickly shedding her blouse, gasping at the pain that it caused. She held the white top for a few seconds, looking at the fresh stains that now marred it. Shuddering, she balled it up and flung it into her bin. Fresh start. She told herself. She turned away, walking into the bathroom and bracing herself for what she might see. She stood in front of the mirror, forcing her eyes to take in the entirety of her frame. 

It wasn’t pretty. Her cheek was swollen and red, a gash across the middle. Her wrists were bloody and rimmed with red chafe marks from her desperate struggle against her bonds. Her stomach was a mess. Her ribs were clearly bruised, each one clearly silhouetted on the blue and purple marks that covered her torso. In several places the force of the beating that Ward had given her had broken through the skin, leaving nasty looking welts that oozed. The teleknic’s handiwork was visible too, and she shuddered unwittingly as she thought of his leering grin as he had used his powers to twist her muscles, manipulate her insides without even breaking the skin. No! She thought firmly before her mind could wonder any further down that path.

Instead she looked at herself as she would look at any patient. Cool, clinical, detached. It wasn’t pretty to look at, but she would be fine. She pressed lightly against her ribs, trying to tell if any were broken, but her tender flesh screamed in protest and she saw black spots in front of her eyes as the pain lashed through her. Never mind. I’ll be able to tell if anything goes wrong. She thought. She knew she should have let Bobbi take a look, but she couldn’t bear the thought of the sympathy. As it was, no one knew what had happened in that castle, not yet anyway, and with the way Fitz had been acting, she didn’t think he was going to be very talkative. All he had done was mumble her name when Mack had confronted him about going through the portal in the first place. He hadn’t elaborated despite Mack’s stony gaze, hadn’t mentioned her screams. And even Fitz didn’t know what had made her scream. She wanted it to stay that way. She dreaded their pity. 

………………………….

Jemma finally gave up on sleep at 5am. She had lain in the bed the whole night, drifting off every now and again only to be jerked back into consciousness as she suddenly panicked about someone creeping up behind her. The pain wasn’t helping either. Each movement brought new hurts. She had taken several drugs but she wasn’t sure anything had helped. So, finally she pulled herself into sitting, switching on a light and squinting around her room. 

Dressing had taken longer than normal, but finally she was ready, her plain shirt neatly buttoned. A quick glance in the mirror made her feel slightly better. Already her swollen cheek had gone down, the redness gone. She still had a headache, but then, she hadn’t drunk anything in a while. The kitchen, then. She decided, heading out into the network of tunnels until she reached the small kitchen they used. It was empty, but that wasn’t surprising at this early hour. She drank her water quickly, suddenly aware of how thirsty she was, before pouring herself another. As she shut off the tap she became aware that someone was entering the kitchen. She spun around, smiling when she saw May.

May didn’t return the smile, but that wasn’t surprising. ‘Simmons. You hungry?’ she asked instead.

Jemma’s stomach rumbled slightly at the thought of food and May raised her eyebrows.

‘I’ll take that as a yes, then.’ She smirked, opening the fridge and grabbing a plate of left over pizza, laying it on the table before taking a slice for herself.

Jemma reached out and took one too, taking a small bite, before realising that May was staring at her. ‘Thanks, May.’ She added quickly.

‘How’re you holding up, Simmons? This is pretty early. Even for you.’ 

‘Oh, I’m an early riser. Figured I’d get some work done before the debrief.’ She muttered, not meeting May’s eyes. ‘Actually, I’d better be heading to the lab now. Sort some things, you know.’ She stammered, throwing away the rest of the pizza in her hand. Her stomach was rolling now anyway, rebelling against the food it had asked for. She stumbled out of the kitchen quickly, aware of May’s stare burning into her back. 

……………

Time passed quickly in the lab, and it felt like mere minutes when Daisy was tapping her on the shoulder, telling her that the debrief had started. She dragged her feet all the way to Coulson’s office, nervous at the questions she may be asked. Everyone was already there and she slotted into the back, beside Hunter, leaning against his bookcase.

‘Right. I want to hear it all from the beginning.’ Coulson started. ‘Fitz, Simmons, what happened with you two?’

Jemma looked anxiously at Fitz, and he gave her a slight smile before he began to speak. It made her feel a whole lot better. 

‘We were taken by the teleknic at the warehouse. He… um… he used his power to kill the other agents… we didn’t have much choice. We weren’t armed so… so we couldn’t fight back. They drove us to the castle. I’m not sure how long it took… about three hours, maybe?” He looked up at Jemma, seeking her opinion, and she nodded quickly. ‘Yeah, three hours. And then… Ward was at the castle. He split us up. He wanted us to tell him how the portal worked on the other side, so that they could find the exit point…’ he broke off again. His eyes found Jemma’s and she suddenly realised that he wanted her to take over, that he wasn’t sure how to continue. She shook her head frantically, and he looked at Jemma with pain in his eyes. She suddenly wanted to be close to him, to have his arms around her and make him feel safe. She saw longing in his eyes too, knew that he wanted to cross the room and be beside her. Instead he carried on talking, his eyes glued to hers. ‘I, um, I said that I would do it. I figured that it would be the only way to try and get Will back.’ He said softly, and her heart filled with gratitude at his omission of the whole truth.

Coulson was nodding slowly. ‘Okay. Jemma, is there anything you can add?’ He said, looking at her. She was suddenly aware that the whole room was looking at her; Daisy and Bobbi and Hunter and Mack and May, all of them staring at her, expecting her to be logical and sensible and professional. 

Her breath hitched in her chest as she tried to think of what to say. ‘Um. I…’ she stammered, and then suddenly Fitz was beside her, taking her hand in his and rubbing comforting circles on it. She took a deep breath. ‘Fitz covered it, I think.’ She finally squeaked out, totally aware of how obvious her lie was. Fitz squeezed her hand in support. She realised that he was shooting Coulson a look of steely determination, daring him to challenge her blatant lie.

‘Okay.’ Said Coulson softly. ‘lets move on.’ Jemma finally relaxed against Fitz. Switching off as the debrief continued.

Finally, an hour later, and they were leaving the room. Fitz kept a tight hold against Jemma, pulling her with him as he guided her to the empty lab. 

‘Jem. God, Jem, I’m so sorry. Last night… I didn’t mean to be so rude. It just… it sort of all just hit me. And then I left you here. I didn’t even ask if you were okay, and clearly you’re not, I mean Ward… he… he…’ Fitz gabbled. Jemma looked at him hopelessly as he ran his hands through his hair. ‘Jesus, you were screaming, Jemma. What did he do?’ he asked pleadingly.

Jemma realised she was shaking. She didn’t know what to say to him. ‘Fitz. Stop, please.’ She begged him, trying to shut off his frenzied dialogue, but he ignored her, his own distress overpowering him.

‘No, Jemma, I tried to come to your room, but it was locked and I didn’t want to disturb you. But I can’t, I need to know… you need to talk about it… have you even been checked out?’

Tears began streaming down her face, totally unbidden and unwelcome, but she couldn’t help it. She wanted to give him answered, she truly did. But she just couldn’t bring herself to put into words everything she was feeling. She wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to put herself back together if she crumbled now.

Finally Fitz stopped talking, instead staring at her with an expression of total distress, before pulling her into his arms, running his hands through her hair. ‘Shh, Jem. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. It’s alright, I’m here, let it out.’ He whispered. 

She relaxed into his hold subconsciously, and as she did so her torso pressed against his. Instantly pain flared through her and she was powerless against the moan that slipped from her. Immediately Fitz let go, instead taking hold of her shoulders, gently turning her face to look at his. 

‘Jemma. Oh, God. Let me see, please?’ He begged.

‘No.’ She whispered. ‘I can’t.’ 

‘You have to let Bobbi look at you okay?’ He said softly as she let out a shaky sob.

This was all too much. She just wanted to move on. Couldn’t he see that? She was hurting and she was fighting and if he was coddling her then she was being reminded of everything. His pity was destroying her. She gave him an anguished look before pushing him away, charging out of the lab and away from him, away from everyone. 

Finally she stopped, gasping for air and looking around her. She was somewhere deep in the facility, a corridor that was seldom used and badly lit. She leaned against the wall, suddenly aware of how weak she felt. Everything was hurting, hurting so badly, and black shadows were clouding her vision. She slumped down, gasping at the spasms in her chest as she moved, her breath shaky and desperate, pain blossoming through her entire being until it peaked in her temples, her entire head exploding with the agony, and the world faded around her. 

………………

Fitz had known he’d pushed too far when she let out a terrified sob. He had looked into her eyes, seen none of her usual spark, none of her usual energy. Instead he saw horror and fear and so much sadness that for a few moments he had stood stunned as she pushed past him. When he finally pulled it together he ran out after her, ready to help, only to find he had no idea where she had gone.

He thought desperately before whirling round and rushing to the common room, where Bobbi and Hunter were talking softly together. Hunter broke off when he saw Fitz standing there.

‘Fitz, mate, what’s up?’ he asked, concerned.

‘Did Jemma come by here?’ he asked, panting slightly. Immediately he saw Bobbi and Hunter exchange a look.

‘What’s happened Fitz?’ Bobbi asked, her voice strained with concern.

‘I pushed her too far… she… she just bolted. I don’t know where she went, but she’s not okay. I’m worried she’s…’

‘Calm down, Fitz.’ Bobbi said gently, ‘listen, I know she didn’t want to talk about it, she made that clear at the debrief, but please, we can’t help if we don’t know what happened.’

Fitz realised he was shaking as he looked at her imploring face. He knew she was right. ‘I don’t know what he did to her. They split us up… made me… made me listen to her screams.’ He realised he was crying as he spoke. ‘She wouldn’t let anyone look her over… I’m worried she’s hurt, and now I don’t know where she is.’ He pleaded with them.

‘Okay, lets split up, we’ll cover more ground that way.’ Hunter said quickly. 

Fitz nodded, relieved, and the three of them peeled off around the base. 

………….

Hunter was about to leave the storage unit, sure that Jemma wouldn’t have found her way to this obscure little corridor when he suddenly realised that in the back corner was a shadow that didn’t quite fit in. He ran along the corridor, his footsteps echoing as he cursed the ridiculous lighting. When he reached her he swore loudly. Her eyes were closed, her face ghostly pale.

‘Simmons? Can you hear me?’ He said gently, as he reached for her wrist and felt her thread pulse. She didn’t respond. ‘Shit.’ He muttered, uncomfortably aware of her forced breaths. She looked bad. Really bad. His mind working quickly he looked around, already knowing there was no one near. 

‘Okay, Simmons, I’m going to pick you up. You’ll be okay.’ He whispered, unsure if she could hear him. He slipped one arm under her legs and the other behind her back, scooping up her tiny frame. A small whimper slipped from her lips as he settled her in his arms. ‘I’m sorry.’ He muttered. Her head lolled back, resting against his arms, and he was uncomfortably aware of the heat that was radiating against him. She was burning up. 

He moved carefully back to the upper levels, unwilling to jostle her. Just as he was nearing the communal area he heard Bobbi’s voice behind him and he spun around.

‘Bobs, I’ve found her, quick, she needs help.’ He shouted, grabbing her attention.

Instantly she was at his side, taking in Jemma’s clammy face and laboured breaths. ‘Take her to medical, now.’ She ordered, concern tattooed across her face. 

Fitz caught up with them as he lay Jemma down on the bed, Bobbi rushing around the room, ordering staff around. Hunter saw the grief in his friend’s face as Bobbi pushed him away, ordering everyone to give her space. Hunter grabbed onto his arm, leading him away slightly. ‘Come on mate, let’s stand outside.’ He muttered.

………………

Fitz watched helplessly through the glass as Jemma lay unmoving. He could see Bobbi’s concern. He knew that it was bad. He started as he realised that Hunter was talking to someone and turned to see Daisy, her face mirroring his own, pale with shock. He listened numbly to their conversation.

‘I mean, I know she looked awful at the meeting but…’ stammered Daisy.

‘I know. How could this happen so quickly?’ Hunter agreed. 

He slumped down against the wall, unable to look at Jemma’s lifeless face anymore. 

…………….

Fitz wasn’t sure how much time had passed before Bobbi came out. He was sitting against the wall, Daisy and Hunter flanking him. No one had spoken in a while. The rest of the team had come by, all wearing similar expressions of shock as they spoke to Hunter and Daisy in muted voices. 

When Bobbi emerged she looked tired but less sad. Fitz fixated on that.

‘She’s stable, Fitz.’ She told him gently. ‘I had to drain her lung, stabilise her rib cage. It looked bad for a while, but she’s stable now. She’ll be okay.’ Bobbi said, a smile finally making it’s way onto her face.

‘Can I see her?’ Fitz asked, his voice cracking.

Bobbi nodded. ‘She won’t be awake for a good few hours, but you can sit with her.’ She said gently. 

Fitz leapt up immediately, pushing past Bobbi and into the medical pod. Jemma lay in the bed, pale and unmoving. He crumpled onto the chair beside her, grasping her hand tightly. She looked awful, but the horrendous gasping sound she had been making as she tried to breathe had gone. Instead he watched the gentle rise and fall of her chest, revelling in the normality of it. Ever so gently he brushed her hair off her face, pressing his lips to her forehead.

‘You’re okay, Jem. You’re okay.’ He whispered, as much to himself as to her. ‘God. I love you, Jemma. Don’t do that ever again.’

He settled into the chair, willing to wait forever. 

……………….  
Jemma felt fuzzy. Her head wasn’t sore anymore, her thoughts were finally making sense again. Especially now that she was comfortable. She was lying in her bed, she could tell, the blanket wrapped gently around her. The pain in her ribs was no more than a soft ache, throbbing in time with her heartbeat. It was comforting in a way. It helped remind her that she was real. Best of all was the hand that she could feel around hers. It was clutching at her tightly and she wanted to hold it back. She gave it a gentle squeeze.

‘Jemma?’ His voice broke her thoughts. She squeezed his hand again, and suddenly she felt his other hand on her forehead, smoothing her hair gently. It felt nice. Ever so slowly she opened her eyes, squinting at the harsh light. There he was. Right beside her. Right where he always was. She gave him a gentle smile.

‘Leo.’ She whispered, her voice scratchy.

‘Leo?’ he parroted back at her. ‘You only call me Leo when I’m in trouble.’ He said with a smile.

‘Well, you are in trouble.’ She said softly, unable to hide her smile as Fitz pressed his lips to her forehead. ‘You didn’t let me say it first.’

‘What are you talking about?’ He said, looking slightly worried.

‘I love you too.’


End file.
